I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
