WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
