Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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