so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
