What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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