Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
