I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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