We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
