dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
