You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
