he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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