i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
