All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
