matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
