I'm gonna have a badass scar
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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