I want to make a zoo with you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
