so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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