so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
