In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
