it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
