Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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