When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
