sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
