Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
