I faked an abortion last night.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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