She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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