I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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