yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
