Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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