so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
