dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
