I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
