What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
