This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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