The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
