If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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