dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
