Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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