why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
