I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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