under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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