I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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