My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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