Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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