Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
