My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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