i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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