Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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