i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
