I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
