At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
