So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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